My name is Zhu Xiuzhi. I'm the deputy headmaster of a primary school in Jiutai City, Jilin Province. As a former Falun Gong obsessed practitioner, I have now broken away from the cult Falun Gong completely with the help and education of the police at the Labor Camp and people from all walks of life.
I first learned of Falun Gong in early 1997 and considered that I'd found a pure land on Earth, but actually deceived by the so-called "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance" preached by Li Hongzhi.
At first I couldn't understand the ban on Falun Gong at all. I just didn't believe those reports in the press, thinking that some people were employing trickery and distorting the facts. Li Hongzhi once enticed us as saying, "It can't be wrong to present problems with good will." I went to Beijing twice to make troubles following his demagogic words. During this period of time, my leaders and other comrades persuaded me repeatedly, however, I obstinately stuck to the wrong path without any intention of mending and eventually walked into the Jilin Female Labor Camp.
To tell the truth, who would like to go to the labor reeducation camp? However, it is in such a place that I have received a great deal of education and advice that are like those of teachers'. The people there looked after me so carefully and warmly, edified me to understand the philosophy for life time after time and kept expecting me eagerly to transform … It is all because of those that have woken up many people's consciences and made them open their mind like ice beginning to melt…I came out of the past nightmare and turned to a new chapter of life from there.
On the day I entered the Camp, the policewoman in charge told me to read "Decision Paper for Reeducation through Labor". She asked me after my reading, "Why did you come here to receive reeducation?" I answered, "Because of practicing Falun Gong." Then she said, "Read it again to find out the real reason." I read it carefully and found these words, "Reeducation through labor for one year because of disturbing social order." I was shocked a little and realized something all of a sudden. Just at that time that I began to transform from insisting on explaining to our country to the acceptance of the reality: I have broken the law.
The other day I had a high fever and was sent to the clinic. Knowing this news, the policewoman of my squad went there immediately. She said when seeing me, "I ran all the way here as soon as I knew…" When I was having transfusion, she accompanied me by my bed and continued to send eggs and tomatoes to the hospital for several days. I was moved and felt ashamed of that, with something emerging more than I could say. Could this kind and worthy woman be "demoralized" "rubbish of the universe"? Could this woman be selfish who looked after me as carefully as a kin? In order to realize our transformation, she stayed in the Camp instead of going back home. Her eyes were red and her face was pale… Looking at her sincere eyes, I couldn't bear it any more and said with tears, "Madam, please don't give me such things any more. I just cannot bear it." I remember my father burst into tears when he came to see me, her beloved daughter, for the first time. I tried to keep my tears back and comforted him continuously while telling him about my daily life there. When he left after the visit, my father looked back again and again so that he could see me for a longer time . Seeing his painful face, I couldn't control myself and strode out of the interview room, crying out sadly. Ms. Zhang, the policewoman beside me, persuaded me while patting my back, "Don't cry. Don't cry, otherwise your heart can't stand." She walked with me around the yard and didn't accompany me to my room until I calmed down.
The commander in charge is also a kind and worthy woman. She often talks with me about the history and life. I admire her knowledge and personality so much and I have learnt a lot from her. Once she accompanied me to an interview and came back after lunchtime, resulting in missing the lunch. I offered her some food my family had brought to me, however, she simply refused with such a just reason, "We are not allowed to accept your presents, although we can give you presents. It's a rule."
Such examples are too numerous to mention one by one, all of which are moving my heart with facts rather than words and telling me that this is kindness and righteousness. What I have seen, heard and felt in the Camp is entirely different from what Li Hongzhi has said, "The human race is declining in morals with a thousand li a day."
I watched programs titled "Li Hongzhi: The man, his deeds and fabrications" and "Interview with Li Chang and Yao Jie". When Yao Jie said she could recognize things in Li Hongzhi's luxury house and identified that house, I began to awaken from a dream, understanding that it was Li Hongzhi rather than anyone else who had cheated the whole world. Falun Gong is definitely a cult. I eventually understand why I have walked on a wrong way with kind intentions. I feel so contrite after seeing through the fraud. As a woman seeking truth, kindness and tolerance, I had walked on a road of untruth, unkindness and intolerance, causing great harm to my family and the society as well as myself.
When I went to Beijing to "protect the Fa" for the first time in January 2000, I left my 14 month-old son to my mother-in-law who was in her 60s. When somebody blamed me as inhumane, I didn't care and thought that behavior met the standard of abandoning affections requested by Li Hongzhi. Later, I left my little child again and again to participate in illegal assemblies, thus giving up this most important affection on earth. One day my mother-in-law went to the house of detention to see me with my child. He smiled when he saw me through the window and called me Mum while waving his little hands to me; during the interview, he held up my neck tightly all the time; and when the departure time came, he stretched out his little hands to reach me, crying for mum. Though feeling sad, I made up my mind, turned around and left for the sake of so-called "protection of Fa" and the illusory "consummation". At the time when I turned around, a policewoman said, "It's so heartbreaking. Falun Gong really does great harm."
My husband used to devote himself to his work as a leader. He got disappointed by my repeated wrongdoings and began to drown his worries in drink. The head of my school went to the house of detention and persuaded me in an imploring voice, "You should think about the elders even if you don't care about your child. Your father is weeping every day. Falun Gong has done you so great harm, yet you know nothing about that…" However, these words didn't touch my cold-blooded heart. Now I know how cruel and inhumane I was!
I used to be an aspirant woman. I have gained Outstanding Teaching Award in Jinlin for three times and have been chosen as Merit Teacher and disciplinary leader in the province. However I gradually ceased to pursue my career and couldn't devote myself into work at all, with my head full of "Rectification of Fa", "protection of Fa", "consummation" and so on. A teacher once said, "Falun Gong has changed people so much. Those who used to study text books so thoroughly now talk merely about Falun Gong." She tried to persuade me, "Headmaster, please don't practice any more. I'm afraid I would lose you as my leader." However, these sincere words did not work on me. I clung obstinately to my errors and paid no attention to teaching, resulting in some damage to the school's work.
In the past I didn't acknowledge that my actions had disturbed social orders. Now I understand that it's illegal to do things prohibited by the state. It's fundamental for every citizen to obey the laws and regulations and all of us should do our duty to help maintain a stable society. I was once so obsessed that I gave up everything for the sake of Li Hongzhi and his Falun Gong. Most woefully, I knew nothing at all about my errors during that period of time. I got to know what I had done when I awoken from that nightmare. That woman wasn't true Zhu Xiuzhi. I remember at the meeting for my exceptional promotion to middle title I chose the following question, "How to educate modern primary and middle school students to address their worship and blind faith in things foreign?" I blurted out without hesitation, "We regard the country as our mother. As the Chinese saying puts it, "A son never thinks his mother ugly, and a dog never shuns its owner's home however shabby it is". As a Chinese, we ought to love our country. We should try our best to make our country one of the strongest in the world earlier." That was what I really thought then. However, induced by devils, my heart was bowed. Nevertheless, how do the Party and the Government treat me? They accept us lost on the way with their tolerance through education, influence and salvation. On the third day in the Camp, I was moved to tears when I was eating stewed beef; on Dragon Boat Festival, when we were eating eggs and "zongzi", one of us asked, "Do you feel sad?" Our country has educated me for so many years, so I should have made more contributions to it. Nevertheless, I hurt my motherland's feeling deeply. I examine my conscience and ask myself, "Are you qualified to be a Chinese?" One day, we sang the song "Ode to Our Motherland", I was shedding a flood of tears full of pain and regret beyond expression when I sang the following, "Independence and freedom are our ideals. We had defeated so many obstacles, to achieve today's liberation! We love peace, we love home…"
As a previous member of the Communist Party, I violated the principles of the Party in front of major issues and have been removed from the Party because of stiffly insisting on the wrong positions. At first, I was discontent with it. But I understood deeply that I hadn't met the standards of a CPC member after I realized my faults. It has been five years since I joined the Party in 1995, but I have only joined the Party in procedure and it will be a long way for me to go to meet the standards of the Party from thought, yet I even ran in the opposite direction. During the period of my obsession in Falun Gong, I garbled the following words from the Party Constitution, "be loyal to and honest with the Party … oppose double-dealing and scheming of any kind … keep the Party informed of their (the mass) views." So I falsely regarded "appealing to Beijing" meant being responsible to the Party and bold to tell the truth so that I claimed my behavior as not violating the principles of the Party. When the Discipline Inspecting Committee declared the decision to remove my Party membership, the Discipline Inspecting official asked me, "What are the Party's organizational principles?" I just couldn't answer. He said soberly, "The minority is subordinate to the majority, the lower level to the higher level, the part to the whole and the entire membership of the Party to the Central Committee." I was actually wrong in line with the organization principles. The Central Committee of the Party has already ordered clearly that Party members are not allowed to practice Falun Gong, but I failed to obey it. At last, that cadre said the following important words, "It's not that the Party wants to abandon you. Rather, it's you who have fallen away from the Party." I feel very painful whenever I think of these words. As a cadre of the Party, I have gone so far as to put on a rival show against my own organization under the delusion of a cheat. I feel so ashamed when I examine my conscience. In the past, I mistook Li Hongzhi's so-called "be kind" and "be a good person" as not contradictory with the demands by our Party, without knowing that they are different in nature though similar in appearance. A communist is materialist and antitheist, while Li Hongzhi deludes people with demonology; our Party's aim is serving the people wholeheartedly and devoting selflessly, while Li Hongzhi attempts to lead people to an individualistic trap of seeking "self-transcendence"; the highest ideal and ultimate goal of the Party is to realize communism, while Li Hongzhi tells people to pursue so-called personal "consummation" without thinking about the Party's disciplines and the State's laws. The bitter lesson tells me that I wouldn't have got lost if I listened to the Party and that I will walk on a bright way if I follow the Party.
I didn't cherish what I had when I was a Party member; now I have understood the weight of a "communist" when I have left this advanced group. That's what I should pursue! I will present a Party membership application again and give her a qualified reply no matter if the Party admits me or not.
I want to give my thanks to the Party, the Government and all the people who have supported and helped me for my transformation. It is the integration of strictness and love and call for justice and affections that have dragged me back on the correct way. I have seen clearly the real face of Li Hongzhi and his Falun Gong and have understood the Party and the Government comprehensively and profoundly through comparison of kindness with badness and righteousness with wickedness. My fate reflects the Party's wise policies. Now with the kind attention of the Provincial Party leaders, I've resumed my job as well as the same position before. Leaders at various levels encouraged me warmly and placed great expectations of me… I feel both regretful and grateful facing all of these and realized deeply that the Party has forgiven her daughter who has made mistakes. I rushed again into my motherland's embrace as a child. The living reality has aroused my true love for the Party and the country!
I've understood that the true meaning of life is to be useful for the society after I have passed through a devious route. I'm keen to repay the society and feel extremely upset about the people who are still obsessed in Falun Gong. Therefore, I joined Jilin Voluntary Help and Education Group and went to 24 districts and cities in Jilin and even in Anhui and Shandong to give more than 30 lectures and talk with countless people heart to heart using my own experience. My hard work has gained great consolations. An obsessed Falun Gong practitioner who used to look me as a "demon" burst into tears over my shoulder after she came to know the truth. Later, she said jokingly, "I have never thought of crying over a demon's shoulder."
Li Hongzhi has done great harm to people.We hate him not only for swindling money and wealth but also misleading spirits. Now I have fully realized the actual harm of the cult organization Falun Gong and have understood that the consequences will be worse than anything imaginable if Falun Gong were not banned and were allowed to expand without control. Now I have completely broken away from the cult Falun Gong and I want to use my own bitter experience to caution kind people not to be deceived by any cheat under the guise of doing good.
I hope those people who are still obsessed in practicing Falun Gong can reflect on my experience. I'm sure you can tell kindness from badness, righteousness from wickedness and beauty from ugliness if you dare accept the facts and face them. I firmly believe that more and more people will come to realize the truth, and our society will become more and more beautiful. May everybody contribute to the nice world!
(CCTV, February 27, 2001)
