I am Han Jinxiu. My hometown is Lianfeng Village, Mizhou Street, Zhucheng City, Shandong Province. Since I was very fussy about choosing a husband, I married a little bit later than other normal village girls. I didn’t give birth to my daughter until I was 35 years old. My husband died in a car accident in 1989 when my daughter was only 3 years old. My husband's death was a heavy blow to me. My daughter and I depended on each other after that and I promised to cultivate my daughter into a good person, so I spent most of the time educating her. My daughter was smart and lovely. She began playing the piano at 5 years old and passed the 8th grade of the provincial test when she was 8. She was also a good student at school. My daughter always told me that she wanted to become a pianist and play beautiful songs for me. I was proud of my daughter at that time. However, after I began practicing Falun Gong, I did not take care of my daughter even when she started suffering from rheumatic heart disease. She died of of heart failure in 2010. My daughter's dream of being a pianist was broken by me because I was addicted to practicing Falun Gong.
I began practicing Falun Gong to cure my disease in the first place. I was suffering from puerperal fever since I did not take care of myself when giving birth to my daughter. Sometimes I felt sick and my head was always painful. I suffered from migraines and could only go out after wearing heavy clothes. I did not get better despite taking traditional Chinese medicine for almost one year.
In the winter of 1997, my neighbor Zheng Qingmei came to my home. She persuaded me to practice 'Falun Gong', saying that 'Falun Gong' could not only bless family members, but cure disease and improve one’s health. In order to bless the safety of my daughter, as well as improve my own health, I decided to give it a shot and began practicing 'Falun Gong'
I bought some books of 'Falun Gong' and started reading, as well as practicing according to the instructions. I started exercise at 4:30 in the morning, came back home to make breakfast for my daughter at 6:30, and went to work in the neighborhood textile factory after my daughter left for school. I started working at 7:30 and came back home at noon to make lunch for my daughter. After getting off work at 6:30, I tutored my daughter at home and went to Zheng Qingmei's home to exchange practicing experience with her after my daughter went to sleep. Probably because my life became more regular, after 8 months of practicing, my migraines were better and I was no longer afraid of cold weather. I deeply believed that practicing Falun Gong could cure disease so I became addicted to it even more. I took a longer time in the morning for practicing and did not make breakfast for my daughter. She could only buy some food from the vendor on the street and always skipped breakfast when there was no time. I went to gatherings at night so I did not check my daughter's homework. Sometimes she would complain to me but I always ignored her.
In the winter of 1998, my daughter always caught cold and did not have much appetite. She also had palpitations and polypnea, and sometimes coughed with blood. She had to take sick leave. Her teacher visited us several times and asked me to take my daughter to the hospital. I promised but never took my daughter to see the doctor. At that time, I thought her disease was caused by her karma, so she needed to bear all the difficulties to eliminate karma for herself. Besides, I was busy at practicing Falun Gong and did not have spare time.
In July, 1999, the government banned Falun Gong as an illegal organization. I was shocked and did not want to do anything. I often made mistakes at work so I had to resign my job. I did not care about making meals for my daughter and sometime she complained because the dishes were not tasteful and I thought she was being mean. I always considered 'why the government would ban Falun Gong, which is a good exercise? The government must not know the truth.'
I questioned Zheng Qingmei and she did not know why either. Lin Dehua, the leader of our disciple station, asked us to go to Tiananmen to protect Dafa. Zheng Qingmei's boyfriend was against her going to Beijing and they moved from our neighborhood to prevent us from going out together. Since I did not have income, I used my husband's death compensation to buy paint and made slogans. Along with other disciples, I went out at night to spray slogans and hang posters. In October, I went with other disciples to Beijing. We hung out the slogan of 'Falun Dafa is good' after a few days of wandering around Tiananmen Square. Finally we got repatriated to our hometown by the police.
Workers of our community educated me when I came back and motivated me to attend the legal education classes held by our city, but I refused. My daughter also tried to persuade me to give up Falun Gong but I yelled at her and asked her to leave me alone. Our community applied the minimum standard allowance for us in order to take care of us and my daughter's school also reduced all her tuition fees. Director Wang from our community saw my daughter was in poor health and wanted to take her to the hospital, but I tried my best to stop him. He visited my home several times persuading me to give up 'Falun Gong' and take care of my daughter. However, I ignored him and thought he was the 'devil' preventing me from 'achieving higher level' and 'consummation'. Later, practicing, learning and telling truth of Falun Gong became my daily routine.
In 1999, my daughter adapted herself to the live without me. She studied by herself and learned how to cook and wash clothes. She always had colds and felt suffocated especially in winter and spring. She went to the clinic to take medicine and injections. The doctor from the clinic always entreated me to take my daughter to the hospital to do electrocardiogram and X-ray examination, as well as to check her heart. I thought my daughter's sickness was caused by her heavy karma, only by practicing 'Falun Dafa' and 'eliminating karma', could she be cured. I always asked my daughter to practice 'Falun Gong' but she refused me saying she needed to do her homework. My daughter studied very hard and her piano performance passed professional exams of several universities.
My daughter lost her appetite during winter in 2003 when she was a senior student in high school. She started to have flatulence, less urine, puffy lower limbs, and purple red cheeks and lips. She had to take sick leave since she could not breathe smoothly. Before she registered for the college entrance examination, she could not lie flat and began to have dyspnea. Even if she puffed and blew, she could not take breath. I had thought about taking my daughter to the hospital while seeing her suffering like this. However, I would be ashamed of being a Dafa disciple and would betray the Master and other fellow disciples if I took my daughter to the hospital. So finally, I did not take her to see the doctor. My daughter’s teacher came to our home after the examination registration to collect her personal ID. She found what had happened to my daughter and took her to the hospital immediately. My daughter was diagnosed with heart failure which was a complication caused by rheumatic heart disease. If she could be treated 3 or 4 years before, she would not have the symptom of heart failure. The rheumatic heart disease could also be cured by undergoing an operation. Under her current health condition, my daughter could not attend the college entrance examination and only had 5 years to live.
Our community applied critical illness insurance for us after knowing our situation, and arranged donations for my daughter and me. The anti-cult volunteers in my community also taught me lessons about legal knowledge and policy. As time went by, I realized that if I had not practiced Falun Gong and took care of my daughter, she would not suffer from the disease or her disease could be treated. My daughter could have been an excellent pianist. I took care of my daughter whole heartedly to make up what I owed her and let her enjoy all the happiness she could. However, I could not save my daughter’s life no matter what I did.
Daughter, I am so sorry!
