My name is Zhang Zhenyu and I live in Yangji Town, Tancheng County, Shandong Province. Seven years ago, as an obsessed Falun Gong follower in pursuit of "going to Paradise and reach Consummation," I blindly disregarded affections from my family, became inhuman and ignored social ethics and laws. My inhumanity brought endless vexation and sadness to my family; as a result, my mother left the world with eternal regret and pain.
Looking back, I felt as if I had lived in a dream; however, all that happened remained so vivid.
In hopes of "cultivating mind and following the good," I began to practice Falun Gong in 1995. The fabrication "to get into a high level" and "to reach Consummation" invented by Li Hongzhi dissolved my world-weariness and catered to my indolent attitude. At that time, I imagined how wonderful it would be if I could cultivate myself into a god or Buddha in my life. So I was totally obsessed by Falun Gong and practiced it day and night. During that period, I became indifferent to any other things, insolated myself from the society (I disconnected communication with others, stopped reading other books and refused to watch television including CCTV news programs), pursuing nothing except Consummation. I even stopped doing chores or farming. I was intoxicated to believe "I am the only sober person in the world" and plunged myself completely into an evil trap set up by Li Hongzhi.
Before the "4.25 Incident," I spared no efforts to spread the Fa in order to "acquire virtues" and "get into high level," and even persuaded my kind-hearted wife to believe it. When the government banned the cult in 1999, I left my five-year-old son alone at home and went twice to Beijing with my wife to seek "Consummation." When asked by others why I didn't take my son with me, I told them absurdly "the child is too young to be taken into Paradise and I let him accompany the elderly." In fact, my mother then was confined to bed by serious illness; my 60-year-old father had to attend not only to my mother, but also my 80-year-old grandmother who was almost incapable of taking care of herself. However, I burdened him more by leaving my little son to him. It is impossible for my aged father to look after them all, let alone to cope with the Autumn Harvest. But I was deeply captivated by the lie "When he succeeds in cultivation in the future, he will get whatever he wants just by holding out his hands… he can bring his relatives to his own paradise as sentient beings." I disregarded my family but comforted myself with so-called "Repaying with blessings in Paradise." In order to reach Consummation and go to Paradise, I totally ignored my parents' sufferings.
Now, recollecting this, I, with the original aim to "cultivate mind and follow the good," have actually gone to the opposite. Disregarding my mother's illness, I believed she needed to remove her Karma; neglecting my father's hardship, I considered that to be his fate, he deserved it. How selfish, brutal and inhuman I had been!
My parents loved me with their whole heart, brought me up through all kinds of hardship and helped me to set up a happy family; but when they badly needed me, I offered nothing but harm to them inhumanly many a time!
When my wife and I violated national law for distributing Falun Gong leaflets and had been taken into custody, my seriously-ill mother who was helped by the trembling hands of my aged father came to see me. She took my hands and said to me in tears, "My boy, come back home. We all need you." I pushed away her hands and climbed up to the window, waiting for the appearance of "propitious clouds" and the moment to go to Paradise.
I wrote a promise against my will to say I would stop practicing Falun Gong when I heard about my mother was terminally ill.
When I went back home, I felt dazed all day long, paying no attention to my mother's illness for fear that I would be punished by Li Hongzhi. I remembered he used to say: Those who betrayed Falun Dafa would "be sent to hells; be tortured and disposed of physically and spiritually for good"; he also emphasized many times that those who betrayed the main deity were more guilty and whose original souls would be threw down to hell, then be put in a spittoon. The spittoon was full of phlegm of the sick and you would be there forever. The Master would keep you conscious, making you suffer the unbearable filthiness eternally.
Hoping to make up my mistakes, I together with my wife fled to Hebei Province in 2000, leaving my critically ill mother and my little son at home again. We rent a room there and engaged in Falun Gong activities heart and soul. Harboring the aspiration to gain Consummation sooner and incited by "no pains, no gains" boasted by Li Hongzhi, we handed out leaflets secretively and industriously. I totally forgot my pathetic mother. If not my wife made a call home out of worrying; my family even couldn't connect me to inform me of my mother's death.
My mother left the world with deep regret; I, being intoxicated by Falun Gong, even shed no tiny tear for her, neither had I kowtowed in her mourning hall as others usually do. According Li Hongzhi, we cultivated people were superior and how could we kowtow to those "ordinary people"? My mother was an "ordinary person," and she died because her longevity ended. There was, of course, no need for me to feel sad! I was truly fatuous and inhuman at that time!
(Kaiwind.com, May 12, 2008)
