My name is Li Xiuzhu, a Falun Gong practitioner in Beijing. I started practicing Falun Gong in 1994. I felt resentment against the government since it banned Falun Gong on July 22, 1999. Intimidated by Li Hongzhi and his Minghui, I left my family to spread the Fa in April 2001. Since we were living a vagrant life without any income, most of us did not know where we could get the next meal. Even in such a plight we had to spend money buying paper and printing ink to "popularize the Fa."
If anything had gone wrong, we always thought it was because of our mistakes. Never had we had the gut to doubt Li Hongzhi. The timid ones among us dared not go out and post handbills until midnight when there was less risk of being found. Some were frightened so badly that they never lingered in the same place for more than a week, changing residence all the time, fleeing at any sign of trouble. We were constantly overwrought without an instant of rest.
What I witnessed in the eight wandering months had set me thinking. A couple practicing Falun Gong dismissed their little boy of age 10 to their mother over 80 years old, unconcerned about how they managed to live. They even boasted about that in our circle to show that they had abandoned worldly emotions. A practitioner left a child only four months old behind and started spreading the Fa, hiding here and there. Some had their children dropped off from school and took the children with them, depriving the children of their right to study. Although those couples ruined their children's future, they were indifferent to the children's suffering, rejoicing in the illusion that Consummation was approaching.
And it was most distressing to see practitioners who had left home squandering the money sent by those undiscovered practitioners who practiced the Fa at home. They squeezed the money out of their tight budget in the sincere hope of making their fellows' life outside easier. But those outside squandered the money by changing hotel rooms, cell phone numbers frequently when they thought there might be trouble. In addition, they often rented hotel rooms to hold parties. To avoid inviting suspicion, they usually ordered many expensive dishes and drinks. It made me feel really bad seeing this. They often said no matter how much they spent, it was worth it to avoid being discovered. Whenever they went out to spread Falun Gong, they took taxi "to be responsible for the safety of the collectivity." I was appalled to hear, "Do not be concerned, we have plentiful of money!" when we asked those who could access Minghui directly why they spent money in such a careless manner.
In addition, it was agony for me not to be able to return to my cozy home although it was not far away. Sometimes I thought I would be ruined if things went on like that. However, cheated by Li Hongzhi's heresy of Consummation and spiritual elevation and fearful of his threat of total destruction upon renegades, I still thought that someday we would come out of this misery and be rewarded. In this way, more and more ignorant people like me got lured by the promise of a "wonderful Falun Paradise" fabricated by Li Hongzhi and were subject to his total control.
All those days I lived in a despondent mood. Except spreading the Fa, there is nothing left in my life but endless waiting and expecting. Longing for an end to "Fa-rectification" and the advent of the so-called "Revelation of all truth," it was impossible for me to live a normal life with any common sense. I had a premonition then that if I continued like that way for another couple of years, I would find myself not only penniless but mentally collapsed.
After eight months, when I could not stand that any more and went home, I was so tired of living restlessly and evading capture all the time. I witnessed what some Falun Gong practitioners did and I felt puzzled and hatred for that. Consequently, I was then deeply suspicious of the "Consummation" trumpeted by Li Hongzhi.
(Kaiwind.com, January 4, 2008)
