Today is the birthday of my 66-year-old husband. Our son, daughter-in-law, and lovely granddaughter came to celebrate it with us. Hearing the cheerful chatting and laughing, I shed tears. For I remember the same day four years ago, when my husband didn't want to stay alive any more, my daughter-in-law stayed far away from me at her parents' house for fear that I would kill 3-year-old granddaughter...
If the local government didn't help me out, as a stubborn practitioner deeply obsessed with Falun Gong, I would never have a chance to enjoy such a happy and peaceful family life ever again.
My name is Wang Xiaorong; I'm 63 years old and retired from the post of Linyi Cotton & Hemp Corporation. My husband is a retired police officer and my son is in the navy and stationed in other place. My daughter-in-law had lived with us since she got married. I had been in poor health, yet with the care of my husband and daughter-in-law, we lived happily together as a big family. But the peace had been destroyed since I started to practice Falun Gong.
It happened in 1998. I had suffered hemorrhoids for a long time and saw no effect after conservative treatment. The doctor said the most effective way to completely get rid of it was doing a surgery, but I had many concerns. I had been weak and was afraid that surgery might do harm to my health. So I didn't do it and tried to find an alternative solution. Just at that time, one of my neighbors came to tell me that Falun Gong was extremely effective in curing diseases and she gave me a lot of examples to support her conclusion. Listening to all those miracles and real cases, I thought to myself: "It costs nothing and won't hurt to give it a try; if it really works, then I don't have to spend money on medicines and treatment any longer." So I decided to give it a try and started to practice Falun Gong with her. At that time, I had no idea that Falun Gong was a cult and my husband didn't stop me either, for he also believed that exercises would do me good and would help me relieve pains. Just like that, I became a practitioner and went to practice Falun Gong at the city square with my neighbor everyday. Several months later, I felt that it really worked and I was full of energy and vitality. At that time, I didn't know that the alleviation of pains was the natural result of psychological suggestion and doing exercises regularly; instead, I believed in what my neighbor said about the magic power of Li Hongzhi and started to admire him so much that I told my husband one day: I came across a god and he can treat my illness. Seeing that I was happy, my husband didn't ask questions. He just said to me: "There's no such thing as a god in this world, it's probably qigong that you're practicing." No matter what he said, I had increasingly deep feelings toward Falun Gong, especially after I read the so-called masterpiece of Li Hongzhi, Zhuan Falun, I thought his theories on "eliminating karma and curing diseases" as well as "Truthfulness, Compassion, and Tolerance" were just what I needed and believed that Falun Gong was great in building health and improving nature. So I determined to practice it for the rest of my life.
Accordingly, when Falun Gong was banned by the government in July 1999 as the illegal organization, although I had always been a citizen observing disciplines and law, yet this time I chose the position against the government. My husband used to be a police officer and a member of law enforcement team; he knew that I must stop practicing it immediately. He said to me: "The law is the god protecting ordinary people; it's just and serious." In order to stop me, he read Zhuan Falun and found the conflicting ideas and the points that didn't make any sense. But when he communicated these with me, I was already too obsessed to believe in him. I argued: "What's wrong with Falun Gong? It can build your health and cure diseases." At the news that some local practitioners had gone to Beijing, I was very anxious and was eager to fight for Falun Gong. But my husband watched me closely and I was in poor health at that time; so I didn't make it. One fellow practitioner showed me the scripture Digging the Root by Master, it said: "Dafa students in Beijing used a special method to make those people stop doing damages to Dafa, they're right actually in doing so...at the critical moment when I ask you to break from ordinary people, you won't follow me and every chance is offered only once and nevermore." I felt so reproachful and regret it so much that I lost a chance to go up to higher level and to achieve consummation. So I decided to do something to make it up.
During the Spring Festival in 1999, our son went back for the holiday and on the first day of Lunar New year, we celebrated the family reunion. My husband was so happy that he drank a lot; our son and daughter-in-law went out to visit their friends. I took the chance to get on a train going to Beijing together with a fellow practitioner. But the capital city was tightly guarded, and before spreading out the banner we brought along with us, we were caught by the tour policemen and then sent back to the hometown. At the news that I went to Beijing to publicize Dafa, my family was shocked, for I hadn't been to any place for years due to my poor health. Taking into consideration that I was ill, local government gave me a chance to correct my mistake and to start a new life. They told my husband to get me home and I noticed that he became so skinner in just a few days. Then I knew that was because after I left home for Beijing, he barely ate and all he did was to call everyone he knew for advice and help. To tell the truth, I felt awful at seeing him worry so much about me; so I restrained myself a little bit afterwards and promised to him that I would never go out like that again. But deep in my heart, my obsession with Falun Gong had never changed; at recalling what Li Hongzhi said, such as "if this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation," "cultivate away fame, material interest, and emotion, Reach Consummation, ascending the firmament", I thought that I failed in the test of "attachments". So I made up my mind that I should gradually relinquish my sentimentality toward my husband. Since then, I was indifferent to my husband and no longer cared for him as I used to be.
I didn't care about my husband, and that was also what I did to other family members and relatives. My daughter-in-law was pregnant in 2001; since my son was not with her and as her mother-in-law, I should take good care of her. But except for chanting scriptures asking Dafa to bless my unborn grandchild, I had never made one nutritious meal for her. Sometimes, she had no appetite and I just pretended that I didn't know. Finally she had no other choice but to go to her parents for help. My husband blamed me for this but I scolded him by saying that our daughter-in-law was too delicate. My words enraged him but he could do nothing but shaking head. To make things worse, when my daughter-in-law had complications during labor and was hospitalized after delivery, I refused to wait on her by pretending that I didn't feel well and went back home to practice Falun Gong and to send forth righteous thoughts. Later on, at the end of the maternity leave, my daughter-in-law had to go to work. She wanted to trust the baby to me; but at seeing that my manners became increasingly irregular, she was afraid. After watching TV programs on practitioners burning themselves in Beijing as well as the true case of Fu Yibin killing his father and wife, my son and daughter-in-law never brought up the issue of asking me to take care of the granddaughter again. It was when I finally gave up on Falun Gong that my daughter-in-law told me the truth: they didn't trust me with the baby because they were afraid that I would kill her as a "demon" or "save" her to the heaven. But back then, I didn't feel uneasy or guilty for not fulfilling my duty as a grandmother; on the contrary, I was happy that I would have more time in studying and practicing. It never occurred to me that, as a married daughter, my daughter-in-law must have lots of awkward moments living with her parents. Looking back on the days when I was obsessed with Falun Gong, other family members were so afraid of me that they even dared not to go back home and live with me, while I still insisted on cultivating "Truthfulness, Compassion, and Tolerance" and on "being a good person by saving others first", it seems to me now that I was so hypocritical. In order to practice Falun Gong, we did so many harms to those loving and caring about us; but still, they were tolerant and always there for us. So, who's really the good person?
I used to have such a happy family, but at that time, because of me, all the warmth, peace, and happiness have gone.
My husband had no other choice but to take me back to our hometown in Zibo. He wanted my relatives to talk to me so that I could become normal. But he had no idea that I had always tried to find a chance to get out again and make more contributions to Dafa. At our hometown, it was impossible for my husband to watch over me all the time and that gave me chances to carry out my "plans". One day, I went to the local market with the wife of my brother and put the materials on Falun Gong that I hid in my pocket into the bike baskets of passersby. I was scared at that time, but then I remembered what "Master" said: "without any attachments, there's nothing to be afraid of". By the way, "Master" said his "Law Bodies" would always protect Dafa disciples. But then a man called the police and I was caught on site when distributing materials. I was then sentenced to two-year re-education through labor for distributing materials propagandizing Falun Gong and for disturbing social orders. Due to my poor health and diseases, I was put on probation.
I've broken the law twice and I should have learned good lessons from the experience; but that was not the case. On the contrary, I believed that the reason why I could get away from the labor camp was because of the protection by the "Law Bodies" of Master. Now I know the thoughts is so stupid, for what protected me is not the "Law Body", but the patient and lenient government and my loving family, it was they who gave me a second chance and welcomed me home with open arms. But since my mind was under the control of Li Hongzhi, I believed in his magic power instead and said to my husband: "I have gone up to a higher level and I have to go on with it." At seeing that I was hopeless, my husband was so angry that he dragged me out to the street to find a running car to bump into so that the two of us would "go up to the heaven" together. That day was his birthday and usually my son, daughter-in-law and grandchild would come back celebrating it. But because of me, my husband was not in the mood and if it were not one of his old colleges told him to send me to a local psychological clinic center, the family tragedy would surely happen sooner or later.
My husband sent me to the local clinic center in April 2005, where I finally understood why I could benefit from the practicing. After watching the video tapes on "Refusing Medical Care Resulting in Deaths" and "Cold-Blooded Homicide Killing without Mercy", I felt so afraid, especially after the tutor told me that the root of all these tragedies was the heretical ideas fabricated by Li Hongzhi, I started to understand why the government would ban Falun Gong and forbid us to practice it. I felt for the first time that I was so lucky to have a caring and loving family and to have such instructive and patient clinic tutors; otherwise, I would have ended up miserably a long time ago. Since then, I can see clearly the cheating nature of Li Hongzhi and the nature of Falun Gong as a cult. I finally find the real me and find back the human side in me; as a result, peace and happiness return to my family.
When I enjoy the happy life, however, I have mixed feelings of regret, remorse, and gratitude. In order to vent all these emotions and to help those being obsessed with Falun Gong as I used to be, I write down my experience, wishing that every family is blessed with a peaceful and happy life.
(Kaiwind.com, December 1, 2008)
