My name is Du Jingfan, 58 years old, a retiree from Zhongyuan Oil Field and once the former director of the Falun Dafa Assistance Station in the city of Puyang where the oil field lies.
In 2002, I saw with my own eyes the horrible sight of Chen Guo and her mother after their self-immolation tragedy, and then heard with my own ears their bitter experience, which woke me up completely from my obsession with Falun Gong.
In June 1994, I attended a Falun Gong training course organized by Li Hongzhi in person at Zhengzhou, and in the following year was appointed director of the Falun Gong Puyang Assistance Station. In July 1999, Falun Gong was outlawed by the government, but confronted with those who tried to persuade me to break away from Falun Gong I said in a harsh voice: "I would rather chop off my fingers than write a statement of repentance; I would rather gnaw through my tongue than say a word about breaking away from the 'Master'! If there were only one person still persisting in true cultivation in universe, it must be me, Du Jingfan." At that time, I considered myself a real hero，feeling incomparably dignified, and stubbornly took the wrong stand of "protecting the Fa until the end of my life".
On January 23, 2001, several Falun Gong addicts appallingly committed self-immolation at Tiananmen Square, leaving Liu Chunling and Liu Siying dead, and Chen Guo, Hao Huijun, Wang Jindong seriously burned. The incident not only shocked the world, but also caused great confusion among local Falun Gong addicts. However, statement from Falun Gong headquarters abroad claimed the self-immolators were not Falun Gong practitioners. As a response to the Master's orders, for many times I asserted to my fellow practitioners that the self-immolation incident at Tiananmen Square was a forgery, asking them to stand firm and believe in Master's words.
In September 2002, Chen Guo and her mother were invited to Puyang oil field to tell how they had fallen victims of Falun Gong. And my husband and daughter suggested me to lend an ear to their stories. At first I refused to participate, because the 'Master' said they were not Dafa disciples, and the Master considered the whole incident "a devilish plot" of the Chinese government. However, after a second thought, I decided to go listening to their explanation and sending forth 'righteous thoughts', to destroy their evil thoughts.
I strode into the meeting hall, holding my head high up. I wouldn't bring shame to the 'Master', wouldn't bow to those people, and most importantly I would set an example to my fellow practitioners. As I entered, a staff member of the gathering warmly greeted me and showed me a seat, but disdainfully I went straight into the middle of the hall. Immediately many fellow practitioners stood up to show their respect in silence and there was momentary commotion in the hall. I glanced at the scene and sat in a seat vacated by a fellow practitioner. Meanwhile the chairman smiled kindly and made a sign for silence. The hall seemed to be full of practitioners' aroma. Feeling the value of my presence, and seeing how highly respected I was then by fellow practitioners, I tidied up my clothes and squared my shoulders, with extreme arrogance.
After a while, as some staff supported with hand two people wearing pajamas and handkerchiefs on their heads slowly onto the podium and help them sit down, the whole hall which held more than 500 people was in so perfect silence that even a pin falling on the ground could be heard. The chairman gestured to remove their handkerchiefs. Although everyone had seen Chen Guo and her mother on television, when the staff lifted the handkerchiefs, immediately the meeting hall was filled with uproar of exclamation, sigh and even scream of "my God!" in low tone. Both the mother and the daughter were bald-headed, had rough and pocked faces with no eyes or noses on them, and their lips could barely be identified. Two small nostrils, two rows of teeth were all openly exposed – what a terrible look! Although I forced myself to be composed, I feel somehow perturbed and chilly in my back.
The speech began. Hao Huijun talked about their experiences, from when they began to study Fa, how they planned to go to Beijing and to the Tiananmen Square, to how they committed self-immolation. And finally, as expected, she complained about and even hated the 'Master', full of regrets for following the road of self-destruction, gave warning of never being cheated by the 'Master' and asked the addicts to bring back their senses.
I cursed them as I listened. Since they were unable to close their mouths, saliva flew down from time to time. As their hands were badly burned, on one of each person's arms was tied a towel to brush off saliva from their chin. Although lipless, what Hao Huijun said still sounded clear, and rather rational. It's really hard to associate this woman, a graduate from Department of Fine Arts of Henan University, with the extreme behavior of Falun Gong self-immolator. Below is her narration.
"In August 2000, Li Hongzhi published a scripture titled Eliminate Your Last Attachment asking us to put down all worldly attachments and let go of life and death. The 'Master' demanded that the Dafa disciples go out and prove to the ordinary people that Falun Gong was the righteous law and the government was wrong to label it as a cult. This was a test by the 'Master', to see if the disciples were willing and dare go out, dare speak for Falun Dafa".
And then after Li Hongzhi published another scripture titled Beyond the Limits of Forbearance, we decided not to wait any longer but to rectify Fa in a special way. In order to heighten the impact of "Fa-rectification", we immediately thought about self-immolation, because to my mind the best way of Fa-rectification was to give up the flesh body. At that time I thought of nothing but reaching Consummation, and got too excited to weigh up the consequence. I was completely irrational." Hao Huijun continued her speech, "Now I feel very regretful. But at that time I was so obsessed with Falun Gong that I couldn't control myself and make reasoning judgment." "I just hope those people who are still infatuated with Falun Gong can awake quickly and realize that Falun Gong is harmful to society and to human beings. I hope this kind of tragedy would never happen again." Hao Huijun finally ended her story.
Although I had anticipated what might happen, I was still deeply shocked by the speech. Chen Guo, at my daughter's age, was supposed to enjoy the good life of an adolescent girl, and should be in her mother's care. But now, her once beautiful face became a memory, and her slender dexterous fingers, which could play wonderful melody, were lost forever because of burn in the self-immolation.
"Who is not a sentient being born and brought up by parents? Who does not feel painful when being set on fire? Who is willing to let your daughter to be buried alive with the dead? Which one of you is willing to push your children into the abyss of suffering?" The large audience was in a perfect silence and only the fiery denunciation of Hao Huijun resounded in the hall.
The speech came to an end and the mother and the daughter staggered out of the hall with the help of the staff members. Eyeing them walk away, I was lost in thought. The audience poured out discussing the speech, and passed by me with occasional sighs as "Poor people!", "What a pity!", "What a stupid mother!"
I froze in my chair, with my mind in a haze.
My husband and my daughter brought me back home. For three days and nights, I stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling. For a while a skull appeared before me, and for another it became my daughter. I held my daughter in my arms tightly, tears welling up in my eyes.
"I feel so regretful, but it's no use crying over split milk." Hao Huijun mentioned time and again in her speech. Yes, she can never find a cure for her wrongdoing. But fortunately, with the help of my family, friends, colleagues and other people in the society, I had finally seen through the heresies fabricated by Li Hongzhi, and broke away from Falun Gong.
Now I'm running a fitness center in the Oil Field. With this job, my mind is at ease every day and I can do something meaningful to the society.
(In September 2002, Hao Huijun and Chen Guo telling their own story at cultural palace of the Zhongyuan Oil Field)
