The following is an email that I received. I feel the Qigong student's suffering and plight quite profoundly—as I had also suffered in my initial studies with some con artist and excessive Qigong teachers.
The path toward the learning and studying of Qigong is filled with pitfalls and ignorant teachers and charlatan who will robs and hurt you. So the following two cases will illustrate the pitfalls. Hopefully, these will help beginners to avoid the sorrow and deep pain these two beginning Qigong students felt.
The case is slightly different due to the nature of harm. It is about the student who was being pulled out of her own inner sense of truth and committed a terrible mistake of choosing a wrong path. A path that cuts her off from the very source and nourishment that she very much needed. This is her realization which painful as it might seem, I sense a real clarity of coming to her true sensibility. Walking alone, she may able to hear her own voice more clearly.
How often I have observed so many intermediate Qigong students quitting just at the moment of when they really began to have deep transformation in their health and their awakening. Most case as YYY stated, the light seemed to be too bright and they ran away.
I cited YYY's case in order to warn and caution other Qigong students: beware of the fundamentalist Qigong master and system that excludes all other practice and hold their own system and their teachers as the supreme deity that surpass both Buddha and the sages. In our Dan Tao school, I encourage my students to learn and study with other teachers—it will only enrich their Qigong vocabulary. I myself had studied with more than a dozen masters and teachers so far and hopefully, if I am lucky I will able to study with other great teachers as well.
In YYY's case, she had cut the tied to her root teacher to pursuit the Falun Gong due to the influence by her boyfriend. It is unfortunate, because, once the root is cut to one's root teacher, the lineage is broken. May she find other teacher in the future!
Dear Sifu,
I just got off the phone with my mother. I hadn't called her in many months (a long story), but I called her tonight because I needed--and I mean needed--to speak to someone who knows me better than I know myself, and on some level, she does…. Earlier this evening, I was sure I was having some kind of nervous break down. The tension and fear and anxiety that I've been carrying around inside for the last six or seven months has worn me down, little by little. Even when I thought I was doing so well, even when I had "reaffirmed my commitment" to Qigong, even when I thought I was revealing my heart to you in letters, even those moments in class when I seemed so at peace, it was there, way down deep, the kind of fear that makes you have nightmares that you can't remember…
I've done a lot of self healing in my life to get to the point that I am at today, but there is still some serious work to be done. Deep inside, there remains some part of a hurt and terrified child that I have not been able to reach. This part of me has evolved into a woman who is terribly unsure of herself, and quick to think the worst of herself (I am bad, evil, weak, cruel, selfish, worthless, you name it). The practice of Qigong was part of my ongoing healing work, and enabled me to become much more intimate with myself and to show gentleness within and without, but these deep rooted issues sometimes take a very long time to be resolved as layer upon layer must be unraveled to reach the heart of the matter. This year, for some reason, a lot of my low self esteem manifested.
It is strange, because on the one hand I was making some very positive decisions and changes--quitting the music biz, going to school, moving into a new apartment, learning about nutrition and herbs, and other things as well. I also felt as if my Qigong practice was deepening and growing more profound. But apparently, the other hand was still clenched in fear and doubt. I did not realize how vulnerable I was becoming because I am often very self sufficient and a good survivor, so it kind of snuck up on me. Surely, you must have sensed my intense neediness. I came to you again and again, asking--but not quite asking--for more.
My hunger for spiritual meaning and direction grew more voracious as my doubts continued to manifest. Of course, being as unsure of myself as I was, (not to mention lonely and besides, my biological clock is starting to tick), I met a man. And of course, he came with so many answers to my questions. A student of Chinese Medicine, and a health nut like myself, I pushed my first impressions aside about how judgmental he was and slowly became involved with him, deciding to "open my mind". And in doing so, I also became involved in FALUN Gong (a new form of fundamentalist Qigong very popular in China and USA. Falun Gong prohibited their students to study other style of Qigong). I do not hold anyone else responsible for my recent decisions. It is I who, in my hungry state, allowed myself to create a situation in my life which only served to further undermine my sense of inner resources. This evening my mother said, and I agree, that the teachings of FALUN Gong were very dangerous for me, because they struck the deepest chords of hope and fear within my being at a time when I was not clear enough, stable enough or strong enough to handle the echoing vibrations that followed each strike.
It was very slow and subtle, but little by little, I felt more and more out of touch with my inner strength and self knowing. I tried very hard to believe in the teachings of Falun Gong. I have never had a religion or systematic philosophy that I lived by, and for some reason, it suddenly seemed like a very important thing to have. The ideas put forth in Falun Gong did in fact penetrate my mind to such a degree that I continued to fall back into it, even after I was so sure that I was out and leaving it behind. I had not told my friends too much about it at all (another clue that it wasn't sitting right with me) and so I was pretty much alone except for my friend/lover who had introduced it to me (who, by the way, is my upstairs neighbor). I isolated myself into this world and therefore became even more vulnerable. And being involved with someone whose whole life reflects these beliefs only complicated matters for me. I am ashamed, in a way, for being so desperate for an answer and compromising so much of myself. But I must let go of that shame and move forward. I take full responsibility for my decisions, and I think over time, I may understand on a deeper level what drove me to take this road. I'm really glad that I called my mother and opened up to her about this, because I think my mental well-being was truly at risk, and I might have become yet another casualty on the "path to enlightenment".
Anyway, this is my story, summarized, about YYY getting lost and giving away the very light that guided her because she thought it was blinding her. My storehouse burns down, now nothing blocks my view of the moon.
Sincerely, with all my heart,
YYY
10/29/00
Original text from: http://www.qigongtherapy.com/twocases.html
