Xiaomei is one of my students; she is elegant, pure and innocent. As we are of the same age and live in the same city, we become more friends than teacher and student. However, since she started to practice Falun Gong, she had become distant and numb, and eventually discarded her family like a paranoid. During those years, I was always concerned about her whereabouts. One day I happened to see her, she held me in her arms and could not help crying bitterly. When she calmed down, she told me her story of cultivation, which made me furious: How conscienceless the cult Falun Gong has actually been! It shamelessly advocates the so-called "Male-Female Dual Cultivation" in the name of gaining Consummation!
Here below is her account of her own experience.
I got married in June 1996. Plain as I was, I was lucky to marry a handsome and talented husband. Although he said he was attracted by my unique feminine temperament, I still dreamed to be more beautiful so that I would match him. This desire became even stronger when I grew fatter after giving birth to my daughter. Just at that time, I was introduced to Falun Gong and soon allured by the fabrication of Li Hongzhi in Zhuan Falun, "After our Falun Dafa students cultivate a while the way they look changes a lot. Their skin becomes delicate and fair, it glows with health...This is all common...you truly do a dual practice of nature and longevity you'll naturally get that, and I can guarantee you won't need to have facials." I read this with ecstasy as if I've found treasure and then adhered to Falun Gong firmly.
After a period of cultivation, I felt my skin did become delicate, which made me more enchanted with Falun Gong. When I knew I could even cultivate myself a fairy, I believed the luck had favored me again. I seized the opportunity with thankfulness and regarded the words of Mater as a decree.
The Master said in Zhuan Falun, "You are unable to practice cultivation if you don't abandon sentiment and desire or don't give up the ordinary heart. Right in the midst of ordinary people you have to get rid of every bit of all those bad thoughts you have, and that's the only way you can improve and go up. You can only be elevated and go to the Paradise after you abandon all affection and desire in the world." He also said in Teaching Fa in Australia that, "If someone can break out of affection, then that person is divine." Those words were a head-on blow on me and plunged me into a tortuous dilemma: if I reject affections from my husband, are we still the couple? If I don't, I cannot do real cultivation.
When I was hesitating, I read the words of the Master in Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students, "The truth is, you're no longer one of the ordinary human beings, and you couldn't even go back anymore, you really can't. The difference between you and ordinary people has grown downright large." In Zhuan Falun, the Master said clearly about relation between husband and wife, "From a high-level perspective, everyday people are playing with mud while in society without realizing that it is dirty. They are playing with mud on earth." I suddenly understood: I am not an ordinary person any more; I am a deity and how can we deities play with ordinary people? Moreover, with the affection in my heart, I can never cultivate myself! Since then, I restrained from my husband adamantly. At first, my husband thought I was not feeling well and tried to refrain himself; later, when he found I was in high spirit and did not seem to be uncomfortable, he tried to persuade me tenderly and passionately. To tell the truth, lying in the arms of my husband was truly an enjoyment for me, however, neither dare I enjoy this happiness nor can I tell him the truth, because when I started to practice Falun Gong in 1999, the government had already banned it. I suffered a lot mentally.
But the Master said in True Cultivation from Essentials for Further Advancement, "As a matter of fact, when you agonize over infringements upon your reputation, self-interest, and feelings among everyday people, it already indicates that you cannot let go of ordinary human attachments. You must remember this: Cultivation itself is not painful – the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain...you don't let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses." Reading this, I thought my suffering originated from my attachment, so I did not care my husband's feelings any more and separated with him decisively.
As a wife, rejecting my husband's familarity with me, I felt remorseful and uneasy after all. My regret grew even stronger when I saw he was working hard for our family, and his blue eyes. On the other hand, as a woman, I also thirsted to nestle up his arms with soft smile and enjoy his care. However, Li Hongzhi's words "Cultivating the heart, severing desires, discarding attachments," and "What do the old forces and the old cosmos see as the gravest thing? Lust...In other words, these things are extremely serious to them. So the old forces and all of the gods in that cosmos will not defend anyone who violates the prohibition on this, anyone who doesn't do well in this regard; in fact they will push you downwards." And the collection of papers in Minghui Cultivating the Heart and Severing Desires made me "enlightened" if I was still lingering over lust and desire, my cultivation would be hopeless, and I would even sink into hell. So I told myself I should give up the temptation of lust thoroughly instead of cooking up excuses. For fear that my husband was too tender to resist, I decided to leave home and give up lust completely by hard cultivation.
Now, recalling this, I realize for cultivators like me the asceticism was the stupid persistence; for ordinary person like my husband, that is a wreck to humanity. As Mencius put it, "Appetite for food and sex are human nature." Sexual desire is a natural demand of human beings. Nevertheless, Li Hongzhi declined it as the fetter to cultivation, the hamper to Consummation. How stupid I was to believe it firmly and fulfill it resolutely.
In fact, I was an apple of my parents' eye from childhood, and after marriage, was also coddled by husband; when I had to live all by myself, I felt totally at a loss for I even could not make myself a meal. Just then, I came across a fellow practitioner, who helped me rent a room near his. Since we were both Falun Gong disciples, I was not so vigilant and I spent the all the time with him except sleeping. I lived an appearing happy life since there was no need to vex about my husband's love; however, during the night I felt so lonely in my small room and missed my gentle husband and lovely daughter extremely and dreamed about walking on the road home every night. Then I recalled the words of Li Hongzhi in Cultivators' Avoidances, "Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives," and "If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation." Those words prevented me from going back home.
A few days later, our money was running out, so he suggested we live together to reduce the house rent charge. As Falun Gong disciples, being imbued with "Cultivate your heart and mind, let go of your desires," we had no carnal thoughts and lived peacefully with a drape hanging between us. The following three months, we lived a difficult life.
Later, the fellow practitioner found a job in a restaurant to earn money and came back late every night. I had learned how to cook for this temporary "home." The life was so rough that both of us almost gave up cultivation, but we had already sacrificed too much and there was no turning back. One day, the disciple said to me solemnly, "Let's begin male-female dual cultivation, and that will shorten the time to reach Consummation." To convince me, he read me the words of "Male-Female Dual Cultivation" in Zhuan Falun "In the community of cultivators, there is a cultivation practice called double cultivation of a man and a woman.... Double cultivation of a man and a woman is for collecting yin to supplement yang and vice versa with mutual complement for mutual cultivation, enabling the goal of balancing yin and yang to be achieved...Because a human body inherently has yin and yang, with the interactions of yin and yang, it can itself achieve a balance of yin and yang; it can thus give birth to many living beings," "We've discovered that nowadays a lot of men have female master souls, while a lot of women have male master souls. That fits exactly with the celestial phenomenon in which the yin and yang are reversed, where yin is prospering and yang is in decline, as Daoists put it," and "When conjoining the hands, the left hand is on top for males, while the right hand is on top for females. Why is that? It's because the male body is one of pure yang and the female body is one of pure yin. In order to attain a balance of yin and yang, males should suppress the yang and give play to the yin, while females should suppress the yin and give play to the yang."
He also said, "The deity has no concept and they are naked." I was muddled: it was for asceticism that I left my home, now how can I...? So I rejected him. However, he seemed to see me through and explained, "We are the cultivated, not ordinary persons any more. The copulation of the ordinary is dirty, but conjoin of us is divine and great; we do this for Consummation." He continued to tell me about Falun Gong disciples' group cultivation, and how they had been elevated quickly. He encouraged me, "If we perform the dual cultivation, Consummation will be accomplished soon." I had no other choice but to agree with him. When I slept with him, I felt uneasy for I didn't like him at all and he was as old as my father. But for Consummation, I bore all these... Until my husband came to find me, I didn't feel any elevation of myself. On the contrary, facing my righteous husband, I felt ashamed and guilty.
My husband took me home with a strong hand. I felt too shamed when I saw he had already prepared me a good meal. But I was still reluctant to give up the invaluable opportunity to become a deity. Until government instructors invited by my husband analyzed the fearful consequence of practicing Falun Gong did I realize how stupid I was.
After the nightmare, I still felt guilty. Whenever my husband tried to show his affections to me, I thought I did not deserve it, for I was a stain to our chaste love and perfect marriage. After I calmed down, I chose to divorce, although it may not be the best choice, but by doing this, I can still be a woman with the sense of shame.
(Kaiwind.com, June 3, 2008)
