My name is Xu Zhiming, 38 years old and I come from Xianfeng Country, Hubei Province. I graduated from a university in 1996 and worked at a communication department of the country after graduation. At that time, I was active and worked hard without any complaining. Additionally, I am proficient in communications, so I got the trust and praise from the leaders and colleagues soon. I held the post of division manager two years after taking the job. At the same time, I built a happy family with a beautiful girl Xiaodie, which was the envy of all the colleagues and friends.

However, when I was extremely proud of my success and happy life, I was stuck on Falun Gong. And my life changed from then on.

Qigong has a long historical and cultural background and was very popular at the moment in China. I also liked it very much. At the beginning, I thought Falun Gong was a kind of Qigong and I just wanted to keep fit and healthy through Qigong practice. At the preliminary stage, I felt it was effective, so I began to practice Falun Gong in depth and collected relevant information for further study. I studied Falun Gong books over and over again and believed in Falun Gong theories without a shadow of doubt, such as "Karma", going to higher level and "Consummation" etc. I also gave publicity to Falun Gong everywhere and asked my wife and my father to practice with me.

I believed in Falun Dafa firmly at that time, and in my mind, other people were all ordinary people, who could not understand what we "practitioners" did. If there was anyone who spoke ill of Master, I would argue with him. Once a time, a colleague said: "Li Hongzhi is a liar. He himself went abroad and why are you still practicing?" I retorted that, "The Master is not like what you said, I saw the Master at 2 o'clock last night."

With the further practicing and studying, I became more and more introverted and was absent-minded and paltered when I worked. I even took the office as practice room. Sometimes I didn't go to work for a couple of days. My colleagues said I was crazy and kept away from me. All the people of the department could not work normally. In the year of 2000, I was relieved of my post.

After being relieved, I didn't look inside from my own. Instead, I became more "diligent" in Falun Gong practice to get a new sustenance. Whenever I was in bad mood or felt uncomfortable, I thought it was due to my bad practicing and the stale air in my body, so I still practiced in low level. The book Zhuan Falun also said, "We do not practice qi here. You do not need to practice such low-level things, and we will push you beyond it, making your body reach a state free of any illness. In the meantime, we will install in your body a system of ready-made mechanisms necessary for laying a foundation at the low level. This way, you will practice cultivation at a very high level."

So I thought that as long as I kept the Master in mind when I was practicing, the Master would push me to a high level, then I could reach a higher level as soon as possible. Hence I learned the Fa intently during the day and sit in meditation in the balcony at 2:00 a.m. every day, no matter I was out or at home. I kept up like that for more than one year.

At the beginning, my wife Xiaodie always dissuaded me from practicing, which I turned a deaf ear to. And gradually, she showed no interest in me. I had been practicing Falun Gong for so long, I wondered why I still couldn't reach "Consummation". So I asked the assistant and other fellow practitioners. They said: "You just enter into the stage of 'going up to high level', be patient." That was right, I thought. It was not easy to reach Consummation; otherwise, if there wouldn't be disaster and pain in the world, all the people would have become immortal. I thought I should keep practicing, one more day I practiced, I got closer to "reach Consummation".

I always locked myself in the bedroom when practicing at home. One day, my 3 year-old son, Yongwa, asked me when we had a meal: "Dad, you stay in your room every day and don't talk to mom, what are you doing?" I said: "You don't understand, I teach you someday." Then my wife glared at me and said: "I can't stop you from practicing, but if you ask our son to practice, that would be out of the question."

When studying the Fa, I always thought of the reason why I didn't go up to a higher level. For some time, I often recalled some words by the Master that, "'Meddling by wicked entities' refers to the manifestations or visions that appear during the cultivation process and that interfere with a person's practice. Their goal is to prevent practitioners from cultivating to high levels. In other words, wicked entities come to collect debts. The problem of meddling by wicked entities is sure to arise when a person is cultivating to high levels"; "Wicked entities won't care if your practice is only for healing and improving health. But they will bother you once you begin cultivating to high levels. They can disturb you by using many different methods, the goal of which is to prevent you from cultivating to high levels and to make you fail in your practice"; "The wretched demons just deserve to be killed"; "If the evil has already reached the point where it is unsavable and unkeepable, then various measures at different levels can be used to stop it and eradicate it…Completely eliminating the evil is for Fa-rectification, and not a matter of personal cultivation."

I ruminated over and got to know that the reason why I couldn't go up to a higher level was because the problem of meddling by wicked entities. What was the wicked entity? Was it my son? Though my son wasn't against my practicing, I felt that I could go up to a higher level faster if I "cultivated away emotion" by using mydearest person. Therefore, I planned to eliminate my son as an evil.

At about 5:00 p.m. on one day of May 2001, I saw my wife put much oil when she cooked, and our son hung around there. Then a method for eliminating evil popped into my mind -- frying my son. I wanted to sacrifice a child to improve my level, and then I could reach Consummation soon.

At that night, I brought a caldron and two bottles of cooking oil. After I boiled the oil, I looked for my son everywhere. It so happened that my father arrived at my home. I asked him: "Where is Yongwa?" My father said: "Maybe he goes out with his mother, why are you looking for him?" I said: "Sending Yongwa to the Paradise by frying him." Then I saw my father's face was turning red with anger, and he came to me directly, slapping me.

At that time, my wife and my son came back and smelt the oil smoke. My father shouted that: "Carrying Yongwa outside, Zhiming is crazy." My wife took up the son and went out quickly. They couldn't stand my behavior and before long my wifefiled for divorce.

I was still completely indifferent to the divorce and practiced Falun Gong at home every day. Sometimes I went out to promote Dafa. At the moment, Falun Gong had been banned by the Government for three years. Until 2004, I woke up to reality with the help of volunteers. I realized that Falun Gong is a cult indeed. Whenever thinking of the scene that I prepared to fry my son that year, I feel scared so much.