ANGELA: For the next two years, my parents were relentless. They had me practice dance all the time. And any interests that I had outside of Shun Yun would be brushed off. I'd say like, “oh, I want to like try to be a teacher.” And they're like, “oh, you know where you can be a teacher? You can be a teacher at Shun Yun. After you dance for four years, maybe you can teach Shun Yun dancers. Wouldn't that be great?”

LIZ: No, mom, that sounds awful.

TYLER: So, Angela is well on her way to becoming a Shun Yun dancer. Or is she? Find out after the break. That's called a cliffhanger.

ANGELA: Enlightenment comes from getting rid of your “attachments”. But my mom, she would say, “my biggest attachment is you. My love for you is what's keeping me from enlightenment.” And then my dad would be like, “oh yeah, me too.” And so I would just sit there and be like, “oh, so like if I didn't exist, you would be a God now? Okay.” I was really sad about that. I was like still a kid too. They said it all the time a lot more when I was in high school and trying to get into Shen Yun or whatever, they're like, “my biggest attachment is you. And if you went to Shen Yun, I would not have that attachment anymore because I would know you were in safe hands.” Yeah, yeah, I didn't know how to process that at the time. It felt like they were saying that they loved me, but that love was something that they needed to get rid of. And of course, they made me practice the splits every night. Sometimes I would be in that position for 30 minutes at a time. And I was in so much pain because I didn't want to do this, but they wanted me to be flexible. So I would be there in that position, butt to the wall, chest to the floor, like swimming in a pile of my own sweat and tears for up to 30 minutes a day.

LIZ: But to be fair, her parents were deeply indoctrinated. And if you've been listening for a while, you understand that what comes with that is sadly not prioritization of your family, but prioritization of the cult. And becoming a Shen Yun dancer was the ultimate honor within Falun Gong for girls of Angela's age.

ANGELA: And the deadline was my 18th birthday. So as the deadline grew closer, my parents got more impatient and they would yell at me. They would sit on me while I was in the splits and not let me get up. Every evening was like the worst of the battle. It would always end with me crawling into bed, sobbing, my legs sore and covered in bruises. And nobody knew that I was going through that because it was really embarrassing. Like, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life, but I couldn't express that because what I was supposed to do was be a Shen Yun dancer. That's my destiny, you know?

TYLER: And then...

ANGELA: I turned 18 and I got my splits down.

LIZ: Wow. And I'm sorry.

ANGELA: But I didn't get in because I was four centimeters short. Thank goodness. I was like, “yes!” But, you know, I won the war. It was over. But I suffered a lot of casualties from that war. I lost my sense of self. I didn't know who I was supposed to be. I didn't fulfill my destiny, set by the Creator of the Universe himself. And I was essentially the worst practitioner to ever exist. At least that's what I thought.

TYLER: But thank goodness, we don't usually know what's best for us at that young age.

ANGELA: That's the thing. On the surface, it's always sunshine and sparkles. Everything is great. Everyone is wonderful. We all practice Truthfulness, Compassion, and Tolerance. That cover is always there. We always have that mask on.

LIZ: So, instead of becoming a Shen Yan dancer, Angela goes to college.

ANGELA: I went to Cal Poly Pomona. I was in English major.

TYLER: Go Broncos.

LIZ: But she was still committed to Falun Gong at this point.