My name is Lu Xiumin. I am 51 years old and lives in Heidouyu Village, Huangsongyu Town, Pinggu District of Beijing. I am a common countrywoman, having a family-centered husband and a sensible son. Just like all the other women in the world I love my husband and son. They are my whole universe. I would sacrifice all to them. However, I had never imaged that I could stab my husband and son with an edge tool for Falun Gong.
All that should be traced back to the spring of 1996, Liu Guiling, a woman in our village, dropped by my place. She strongly recommended an exercise, saying that it could not only eliminate diseases and help body-building but also be beneficial to the whole family as well. She also said a person who practiced it would become a Buddha and rise to the heaven successfully in the end. After saying that she gave me a book called Zhuan Falun.
I had believed in Buddhism since I was a child. In my mind, Buddha was the soul of holiness, justice and mercy. He was unattainable. But I had never thought of practicing to be a Buddha myself. Thus I began to practice Falun Gong with curiosity and desire.
At the very beginning I restrained myself and practiced it only in my spare time. As I didn't delay any housework my husband let me be and didn't restrict me. I practiced Falun Gong early in our town. For I was younger and had a little literacy, I understood quickly. Thus a lot of practitioners were willing to talk with me about the practice, which made me feel that I did well in practicing Falun Gong and became gloating. Then I spent more time on it.
Gradually, my focus of life inclined to Falun Gong: I didn't do the housework carefully, couldn't prepare meals regularly, and did nothing but practicing and learning Falun Gong all day. The book Zhuan Falun had been read heaps of times. I could even recite some chapters by heart.
At that time my husband and son began to complain about me.
My husband was a migrant worker. He was toilsome since he carried out his work through rain and wind for our family. Thus, he hoped to see a clean and tidy home and to have a hot meal when he came back.
My son was at middle school at the period of growing up. He studied very hard, which would be affected if he could not eat regularly and was under nutrition.
With well-intentioned words they advised me to spend time and energy in making our life better instead of those irrelevant things. About that I felt a strong antipathy towards them. I believed, "Practicing is not only a serious thing, but also the most important thing. Can problems of livelihood be comparable with it?" Moreover, our Master had said that the whole family would get benefit from one own practice. I practiced also to be good for my whole family. So, I let their words go in one ear and out of the other.
One day, my husband came back home. He saw me listening to the tape and meditating while our son was doing his homework at the table with a cold steamed bun. He was unhappy, asking me, "You didn't cook the meal again. Can practicing fill stomachache? Our son is always eating dry steamed bun, in which there is much nutrition?"
For I was paying my attention to the practice I didn't answered him. He was hacked and threw my mini recorder to the ground, mumbling, "Let you practicing, let you practicing!" I was terrified at his behavior. Seeing his angry expression, I was filled with bitterness. I thought of the sentences in Zhuan Falun that, "Practicing draws monsters" and "There is a monster that affects you and does not allow you to practice." Certainly, I regarded my husband as the "monster" who affects my practicing. Since that day, I had moved out of the principle room and lived in one of the west-wing rooms by myself.
In July 1999, our country banned Falun Gong according to the law. I was worried and depressed while my husband and son shouted "highly gratified". I was angry and resentful, thinking that no wonder our Master said that "man's drastic moral decline is unfolding" and "everyone has a terrible devil in him". It seemed that my husband and son had fairly terrible devils. I felt a true practitioner should fight against such devil who intended to destroy honorable Falun Gong. It was time to test myself, and also a good chance to raise level. So regardless of my families' strong dissuasion I went to our city many times to appeal to the higher authorities for help and stuck to practicing.
To "become a Buddha" earlier and "achieve Consummation" as soon as possible I dismissed all distracting thoughts. I did nothing but practicing and learning Falun Gong. In addition, I didn't talk to anyone. My husband was being tortured by such condition.
On Mid-autumn Festival my husband's sisters and brothers all came to my home to enjoy the holiday. But I felt the common thing had nothing to do with me, so I didn't go out of my room and say hello to them the whole day.
In the evening they all left. Filled with anger all the day, my husband rushed to my room, kicked the door open, burnt up all my documents on practice, pulled the Master's image off the wall and stepped on it. My son just gave a cold look beside and didn't discourage him.
I was so angry that I trembled all over and couldn't say anything. My head hummed and I only heard a voice saying, "They are monsters. If they are here you will not be successful. If you want to achieve success you have to get rid of them, get rid of them…" I looked for a knife everywhere but didn't find it. I took up something, broke the window, picked up a piece of big and sharp glass and thrust at them.
When I screamed and rushed at them with a big piece of glass, they thought I was crazy. My son cried and hugged me, calling, "Mom, mom, what's wrong with you?" But I didn't stop my action because my mind had gone blank. When one brush of bright red simulated my vision, my son's arm had been stabbed and a stream of blood flowed from his arm.
On seeing it my husband was very worried. He slapped me on the face and left words "Are you qualified to be a mother?" He rushed out with our son in his arm, leaving me sitting there in a daze.
My son was sent to hospital. With timely binding and stitching the wound, there was nothing serious with him.
Since then, my husband sent me to a psychological treatment center. With volunteers' patient explanation and analysis, I gradually got to know the deceptions of Falun Gong. My son came to visit me after he left the hospital. He said, "Mom, I didn't blame you. I know it's not your intention to hurt me. You had been deeply tainted by Falun Gong." Seeing the wound on his arm I shed tears. People say, "Vicious as a tigress can be, she never eats her own cubs", but what stupid thing did I do? It was Falun Gong that made me become more ferocious than a tiger.
Now I have slipped the leash of Falun Gong at last and live a peaceful life. But every time I see the scar on my son's arm I will think of the overwhelming past and I will be filled with sorry and self accusation.
