They say success in life lies not in holding good CARDS, but in playing a poor hand well. I was just the opposite. I played a solid hand so bad that I still couldn't wake up all by myself at the age of fifty.
My name is Zhang Zhenzhen (pseudonym), 55 years old, and I am from Nanchang, Jiangxi Province. I was born into a scholarly family, and my parents were both well-educated and sensitive people, but I have had an unruly personality ever since I was a child. As a college student trained by the country in the 1980s, I left home early and came to Shenzhen, a city full of opportunities and challenges. However, I did not choose to take advantage of the good policy of reform and open-up, like young people of my time, and strive to create a vibrant and beautiful life in this hot land. Instead, I lived a life of losing fight spirits, muddling along, and being extremely embarrassed. It’s all because I have been lost on the evil path of Falun Gong for too long...
Seeking wealth through laziness, I fall into the pit of "Perfection"
I came to Guangdong Province right after I graduated from the college. Then I traveled to Guangzhou, Shunde, and Zhuhai, and finally prepared to take root in Shenzhen. At that time, I was young and energetic. Through the introduction of my family, I found a good job with a stable income. And I had a wide range of interests and many followers around me, leading a life that was envied by many peers. At that time, Shenzhen was at the forefront of reform and opening up, with emancipated minds, open policies, and rapid development. I envy those who have earned their first bucket of gold in life because they are bold, dare to gamble and fight, and eventually reach the pinnacle of life through strive. At a customer appreciation meeting of the company, I had the opportunity to board the revolving restaurant of the International Trade Center. Looking at the banquet in front of me and overlooking the brightly lit Shenzhen night view outside the window, I felt as if I was in a fairyland. I desperately wanted to stand out, be a master and live a life of getting what I want.
But in reality, my working life seemed rather uneventful. I was busy at work every day and work overtime. Not to mention how hard it was, I was also subject to institutional constraints and anger from the boss. The monthly salary of more than 1,000 yuan was not enough for me to have a meal at the International Trade Center, nor could it satisfy my dream of having everything I wanted. In 1996, I came into contact with Falun Gong through introduction of my own family. The "Perfection" boasted by Li Hongzhi was exactly what I was dreaming, no need to work hard, as long as you practiced and learned the "Dafa", you could cure diseases and keep fit, transcend life and death, have everything you wanted, and achieve great freedom! I thought that I had found the password to realize my dreams in life, and that Falun Gong was a shortcut to realizing self-value, or simply a ladder to heavens.
Unwilling to be an "ordinary person", I live off my "ordinary-people" parents
I transferred my energy to studying the "Dafa" and concentrated on "cultivating my mind, ascending to a higher level, and achieving Perfection" according to Li Hongzhi's words. Work was no longer mattered to me, and I was soon fired for refusing to work overtime and slacking off. At that time, I thought this was Li Hongzhi’s inspiration which allowed me to “cultivate” without any distractions. Not long after, I spent all the money I had earned and had to join the NEET group, living off my parents. After my mother, brothers and sisters learned about my situation, they earnestly advised me to work hard while I was still young, and to temper the will and accumulate experience. However, I regarded them as "ordinary people" who could not understand the moral realm of "cultivators."
In 1998, my father died in a car accident and I had to return to my hometown to attend the funeral. Looking at my father's tombstone, I didn't feel much sadness. Instead, I lamented it was a sad thing for "ordinary people" to face life, old age, illness and death. Since I didn’t have a fixed job and my income was unstable, my life had already been stretched thin, and my long-term lazy life had made it impossible for me to return to normal social competition. After my father passed away, I kept thinking about my mother’s pension. On the pretext of taking care of my mother, I lived in a house bought by my brother and sister-in-law for my parents. Over the next ten years or so, I kept my mother's pension in a high-sounding manner, but actually used it for my personal expenses and for printing illegal propaganda materials of Falun Gong. When my mother was ill, I did not spend a penny on treating her. All the medical expenses were borne by my brothers and sisters. After my mother passed away in 2014, my sister-in-law and sisters took stock of my mother’s belongings, they were surprised to find out that I had spent all my mother’s pension over the years. In fact, it can be said that my mother has raised me for forty-eight years! After the death of my mother, my brother distributed the inheritance according to the will, but I was still not satisfied, complaining that my mother preferred her sons to daughters. And since I was poorer than my brothers and sisters, so I should receive more money. My brother pointed at my nose and cursed, "Our family is so unfortunate. How come the Zhangs have a white-eyed wolf like you?"
Being punished by law for "protecting the Fa", I staged various farces recklessly
In July 1999, the government banned Falun Gong according to law. But Li Hongzhi incited practitioners to go to Beijing and to "protect Dafa." I felt that it was a rare opportunity to "grow my strength of Gong and reach higher levels," a step further to the goal of achieving "Perfection". So I secretly contacted fellow practitioners in Shenzhen to go to Beijing for "Fa protection". Seeing that some people were punished by law for illegal sitting-in and holding banners in Tiananmen Square, I tried my best to find other ways of "protecting the Fa". I concocted articles and fabricated facts to slander the government, thereby inciting the hatred of practitioners and adding fuel to the flames of "Dafa protection".
As the result, I was sentenced to six years in prison for violating the law. During the years in prison, I followed the methods published on the Falun Gong website and continued my "Fa protection" by going on a hunger strike, shouting "slogans," and acting shamelessly, while silently praying for Li Hongzhi's "Law Bodies" to save me. But everything turned out to be in vain.
Being lost and unknowing how to turn back, I hurt myself and relatives
I remember that on the day I regained my freedom, my mother was already in poor health, but she insisted on coming to pick me up in person with hobbling steps. The old woman's full expectations were shattered the moment she saw my indifferent expression. Due to my perennial use of fasting, hunger strike to achieve the purpose of "cleansing the body," my body was damaged. And I was suffering from brain atrophy, extremely weak. My old-aged mother was heartbroken and resolutely took on the responsibility of taking care of my daily life. My mother thought, as long as she was by my side, I would come to my sense someday, sooner or later. But for me, the heavier losses I had suffered, the less willing I was to give up my cultivation. I didn’t get out of the cult trap till my mother’s death.
My third sister, entrusted by our mother during her lifetime, came all the way from her hometown to advise me, hoping that I would break away from the cult. I lost my mind on a crazy whim. Not only did I not appreciate her words, but I also grabbed my sister's collar and scratched her face, yelling "Why don't you die, why don't you die!" My elder brother saw my stubborn and arrogant look, vowing to sever the brother-sister relationship with me. My second sister refused to contact me for more than ten years because I did not change my bad habits. My younger brother moved quietly to avoid me. For more than ten years, I did not know where his home was. Soon after my mother’s death, I abruptly broke up all relations with my brothers and sisters. They did not call me when their children got married and had grand-children, even when they visited our parents' graves. I lived like an orphan in this world, helpless and careless.
Striving to survive difficulties of life, everyone has to face the music
In Greek myths, when Antaeus leaves his mother, the Earth, he loses the source of strength and will dry up and fall into a state of exhaustion. People who cannot keep their feet on the ground will have the same tragic ending. What my life would be like, if I hadn’t practiced Falun Gong, but devoted all my energy fighting for a better life? Maybe I have already married and had children and settled down in Shenzhen; maybe I am still working hard in the mall and have my own career; maybe I have retired, traveling around and enjoying the family life; or maybe I am plain and quiet as usual, assisting my husband and educate my children... No matter what kind of life it is, I must have my feet planted on solid ground.
In the days longing for forgiveness from my loved ones, I fall into a state of self-redemption and reflection. I have to bravely face the unbearable past and let go of my obsession with greed, hatred, and delusion. By sharing my personal experience here, I preach to all people, never try to follow the evil path of selfishness, greed and indolence. Those who love ease and hate work will attain nothing in life.
And above all, friends, please remember, only by staying away from cults can we have a promising future.
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